Valentin Cassadine Promises Carly Spencer He’s Totally Not Going to Ruin Her Life on These GH Spoilers

VALENTIN CASSADINE OFFERS CARLY SPENCER ASSURANCES FROM HER ATTIC LIKE A WELL-DRESSED RACCOON

TL;DR: Valentin Cassadine offers Carly Spencer assurances, because nothing says “trust me” like a fugitive living in your attic. Plus, Britt celebrates her birthday, Nathan and Lulu bond, Trina makes a commitment, and Curtis and Jordan reach a conclusion on Tuesday’s General Hospital.

Valentin Is Still Squatting in Carly’s Attic

Oh, General Hospital, you magnificent fever dream. Tuesday’s episode continues the absolutely bonkers storyline of Valentin hiding out in Carly Spencer’s attic like some kind of designer-wearing phantom. According to spoilers, Valentin offers Carly assurances, which is soap opera speak for “please don’t turn me in, I promise this will work out.”

Let’s recap how we got here, shall we? Valentin jumped out of a prison transport jet because apparently that’s something people can just do now. He then showed up at Carly’s house looking like he’d been through a paper shredder and asked for leftovers. And Carly Spencer, in her infinite wisdom, decided to hide him in her attic instead of calling literally anyone else. This is the same woman who runs the Metro Court and somehow keeps getting away with federal crimes. Iconic behavior, honestly.

Write in to the editor at amber@soapoperamagazine.com with your thoughts on Carly’s terrible life choices!

What Could Valentin Possibly Promise?

The real question is what assurances Valentin can possibly offer that would make this situation less insane. He’s a wanted fugitive. His ex Lulu despises him. Jack Brennan has the entire WSB hunting for him. And Joss is literally dating Jack, which means every time Joss comes home to visit, Valentin has to scurry up to the attic like a very dramatic possum.

We know from recent episodes that Valentin and Carly are plotting to take down Jack together because he manipulated Joss into joining the WSB. Nothing says “healthy coping mechanisms” like two chaotic people with grudges forming an alliance in an attic. James Patrick Stuart must be having the time of his life filming scenes where his character emerges from the rafters to discuss revenge strategies over coffee.

Britt Celebrates Her Birthday

In news that doesn’t involve attic dwellers, Britt Westbourne is determined to celebrate her birthday on Tuesday’s General Hospital. Given everything Britt has been through lately, including Jack Brennan threatening to expose her involvement in Dalton’s research, the woman deserves some cake. She’s been blackmailed by the WSB, caught up in Sidwell’s schemes, and somehow still manages to show up to work at GH like a professional.

Will her birthday celebration go smoothly? This is Port Charles, so absolutely not. Someone will probably get kidnapped, a long-lost relative will show up, or the cake will be poisoned. That’s just how birthdays work in this town. But hey, at least she’s trying to have a moment of joy amidst the constant chaos.

Nathan and Lulu Bond

Meanwhile, Nathan West and Lulu Spencer continue to bond over their shared experience of losing years of their lives. Nathan was shot by Faison and spent seven years in some kind of suspended animation nightmare. Lulu was in a coma while the world moved on without her. If anyone deserves a support group, it’s these two.

Their scenes together have been genuinely touching amid all the spy nonsense. Lulu is dealing with Charlotte wanting to see Valentin, Jack accusing Nathan of faking his memory loss, and the general stress of being a Spencer in Port Charles. Nathan is just trying to reconnect with a daughter who grew up without him and a world that assumed he was dead. It’s heavy stuff, and their friendship is one of the more grounded elements in a storyline involving international espionage and attic fugitives.

Trina and Curtis Make Moves

Rounding out Tuesday’s General Hospital spoilers, Trina Robinson is ready to make a commitment while Curtis Ashford and Jordan Ashford come to a conclusion. The show is being characteristically vague about what these commitments and conclusions actually are, because why give us details when they can make us tune in?

Is Trina committing to Kai? Her career? A new apartment? We don’t know, but we’re invested. And Curtis and Jordan reaching a conclusion could mean anything from finalizing their divorce to agreeing on what to order for dinner. Port Charles keeps us guessing, and we keep falling for it every single time.

Drop a comment below and tell us: How long before Valentin gets caught hiding in Carly’s attic?

WATCH THIS: Do you hope Valentin is home for good?