Thanks, I HATE IT! Amber Sinclair’s Weekly Soap Review: May 11-15: A Punch at Metro Court, a Resurrection for Sale, and One Very Tired Editor

DAYTIME ON TRIAL: JUDGE AMBER SINCLAIR PRESIDING AND THE DEFENDANTS ARE NOT LOOKING GOOD

TL;DR: Phyllis Summers booked the most-wanted man in Genoa City a Club suite under her own name, Anastasia called two teenagers “strays” at a country club, Brooke Logan said “co-CEO” forty-seven times before crying, Curtis Ashford punched a doctor over a baby bump, and EJ DiMera turned his sister’s resurrection into a black market business plan on The Young and the Restless, Beyond the Gates, The Bold and the Beautiful, General Hospital, and Days of Our Lives. Amber Sinclair watched all of it so you did not have to. You are welcome.

The Audacity Award: Phyllis Summers

Phyllis Summers had the most-wanted amnesiac in Genoa City on her hands and decided the right move was to book him a Club suite. Under her own name. With her credit card. She then went shopping for him, dressed him in new clothes like he was a Build-A-Bear, and strolled downstairs to offer Victor a trade like a perfectly normal businesswoman with zero red flags.

Matt Clark is in there. In a hotel. Booked by Phyllis. Eating room service Phyllis ordered. And Victor Newman wants both him AND Newman Enterprises back in exchange for dropping charges. Phyllis said no thanks. Phyllis. Babe.

The Mustache will be picking this one up by Friday. Take the trophy back to your nightstand, Phyllis. You earned it briefly.

Have you been keeping score of Phyllis Summers’ most unhinged plans? Send your rankings to [email protected] and we just might publish a hall of fame!

Okay But WHY Though: Anastasia and Chessie

Anastasia and her granddaughter Chessie strolled into the Country Club, looked directly at Samantha Dupree and June, and called them “two strays” and “Orphan Annie.” In public. To their faces. About a cotillion. Chessie then sat down with Samantha and told her she “didn’t belong” there.

This is the cotillion, ma’am. Not the Met Gala. You are bullying children in a country club lobby about an event where teenagers wear gloves and curtsy. Why is this your villain origin story? WHY?

Snooze Button: The “Co-CEO” Word Marathon

Brooke Logan and Hope Logan said the phrase “co-CEO” so many times this week that the Bold and the Beautifulrecap notes literally invented a drinking game around it. Take a shot. Take another shot. Brooke wants to be co-CEO. Hope wants Brooke to be co-CEO. Steffy is the co-CEO. Ridge needs to make Brooke co-CEO. Drink.

On Friday, Ridge Forrester said no. Which means next week we get to do this again. Sound the alarm.

Plot Hole of the Week: Victor Newman’s Crack Security Team

Victor Newman runs a multibillion-dollar enterprise. He employs a private security team. That team has been tasked with one job this week: find Matt Clark. Phyllis Summers left the Newman ranch, drove to the Athletic Club, checked into a suite under her own legal name, ordered room service, went shopping, came back, and the team allegedly could not figure out where she went.

She booked it on a credit card, my loves. The trail is digital. The Mustache could find her with a single phone call to the concierge. Yet the team is “tracking” her with the efficiency of a Roomba on a thick rug. We have notes.

The Ick Factor: Curtis Ashford Throws a Punch

Curtis Ashford walked into the Metro Court Gardens, saw Isaiah Gannon caressing his very pregnant girlfriend Portia Robinson‘s baby bump, and decided the appropriate response was to start a SHOUTING MATCH and then throw a PUNCH. Isaiah crashed backwards into a table. In front of the pregnant woman. Who he is in a relationship with.

Sir. SIR. That is her boyfriend. That is her baby. That is her bump. You are her ex-husband. You are not invited to this scene, let alone a sucker punch. Touch grass.

Unexpectedly Obsessed: Rocco and Britt

Rocco Falconeri ran to Britt Westbourne‘s apartment, broke down sobbing, and told her she was the only person he could talk to. Britt, who has been at war with Lulu Spencer the entire run of this storyline, pulled him into a hug and told him he was a hero who saved her life.

Did not have this on the bingo card. Did not see it coming. Am completely undone. More of this dynamic, please. I will be normal about it.

The Dragging: Brooke Logan

Brooke Logan spent every episode this week telling Ridge to dethrone his own daughter for HER. She did it in lingerie. She did it at breakfast. She did it over wine. She told Hope she was the “real queen” of Forrester. She invoked Stephanie and Eric like she was citing case law. She rebranded Steffy’s job as her own.

On Friday, Ridge said no. And Brooke turned ON the waterworks. Not a tear. A faucet. A girl, you are sixty-something with a corner office, a Malibu mansion, and a husband. Take the L and the title he offered you instead. Touch grass.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: EJ DiMera

Lexie Carver walked out of the tunnels alive. Abe Carver saw the wife he buried fifteen years ago wake up and say “I love you.” Paulina Price watched her marriage collapse from a hospital doorway. It was devastating. It was beautiful. It was earned.

And then EJ DiMera immediately announced he was selling the resurrection drug on the black market for ten figures and cutting Gwen Rizczech out of the proceeds. We had a NICE THING. A real, gutting, tear-jerking nice thing. They had it on the air for twenty minutes before EJ Phoenix-ringed all over it. This is why we cannot have nice things.

Which soap had you screaming at the TV this week and which character do you want to drag into court yourself? Sound off below because we need to hear the verdicts!

WATCH THIS: Did you know these wild facts?

@soapoperamag 10 FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT #SheilaCarter EVERY SUPER-FAN ALREADY KNOWS! Drugging Dr. Grainger. The black market baby swap. The Phyllis face. The warehouse cage. The Forrester bloodline. Real ones already know all ten. Casuals are about to learn. #BB #BoldandtheBeautiful #YR #YoungandtheRestless ♬ original sound – Soap Opera Magazine