Thanks, I HATE IT! Amber Sinclair’s Weekly Soap Review: May 18-22: A Hostage Polaroid, a Loaded Drawer, and a Two-Person Fugitive Crew

DAYTIME ON TRIAL: JUDGE AMBER SINCLAIR PRESIDING AND THE DEFENDANTS BROUGHT THEIR WHOLE CHEST

TL;DR: Phyllis Summers knocked Matt out cold and snapped a ransom photo, Stephanie Johnson hid a loaded gun in a drawer, Hope Logan got recruited by three people at once, Jack Abbott kept Patty Williams on the payroll, Britt Westbourne and Rocco Falconeri smashed a phone and drove out of town, Nick Newman popped pills on every set he walked into, drunk Nathan switched the cotillion cards, Brooke Logan cried Friday and pivoted Monday, and Derek died saving Grayson on The Young and the Restless, Bold and the Beautiful, General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, and Beyond the Gates. Amber Sinclair watched all of it so you did not have to. You are welcome.

The Audacity Award: Phyllis Summers

Phyllis Summers had Matt Clark in a hotel suite ready to bolt, so she did what any normal businesswoman would do. She grabbed an object off the desk, KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD, tied him up on the floor, and then took a Polaroid of her unconscious hostage to send Nick Newman as proof of life. As a vibe check.

Then she fired Michael Baldwin. Her LAWYER. The one trying to keep her out of prison. Because he kept asking what she was up to. Babe. Then she announced she didn’t need Victor either.

She is currently flying solo with a bound hostage, no attorney, no exit plan, and a felony selfie in her camera roll. Take the trophy, Phyllis. Bring it back next week.

Have you been keeping score of Phyllis Summers’ most unhinged plans? Send your rankings to [email protected] and we just might publish a hall of fame!

Okay But WHY Though: Stephanie Johnson

Stephanie Johnson just got the FULL gun safety lecture from her dad Steve Johnson about lock boxes, unloaded storage, separate ammunition, the whole DAYS afterschool special. She nodded. She agreed. She seemed to absorb it.

The minute he left, she put the loaded gun in a DRAWER. In the middle of the room. On full display. Where her husband Alex lives, where her stepdaughter Kelsey toddles around, where literally anyone could pop it open looking for a remote.

Sweetie. The lecture was THIRTY SECONDS AGO. WHY.

Snooze Button: The Logan vs Forrester Negotiations

Hope Logan has been recruited to Logan by Bill, Liam, AND Katie simultaneously for what feels like five fiscal quarters. Donna is screaming. Brooke is crying. Bill is signing checks. Liam is monologuing on a loop. Katie wants Hope. Hope wants a launch date. Steffy won’t give a launch date.

On Friday, they handed her a literal contract. Bill pulled out a pen. Donna shrieked “DON’T DO IT!” Liam said “Do it!” And Hope just… stood there. Contemplating. With horn music playing. END OF EPISODE.

Bestie. Sign the paper. Or don’t sign the paper. Pick a lane. Bring us a coffee.

The Ick Factor: Jack Abbott Still Using Patty Williams

Patty Williams once stabbed Jack Abbott with a lobster fork. Two weeks ago she drugged his drink on a yacht. This week he’s holding her hands at Society plotting to use her as a weapon to drive Nikki Newman away from Victor. “She’s halfway to leaving him for good,” Jack told Kyle. Halfway. Like Nikki is a deli sandwich.

On Friday, Patty sent Jack FLOWERS with a card saying she’s “keeping her distance until he reaches out.” Then she immediately picked up the phone and called Victor to rat out Matt’s location like the chaos agent she is.

Jack is still planning to use her. Diane is still spiraling. Patty is playing every man in town like a kazoo. The ick is in the WATER SUPPLY.

Unexpectedly Obsessed: Britt and Rocco Running Away Together

On Friday, Britt Westbourne locked Elizabeth Webber in her office CLOSET, grabbed Rocco Falconeri‘s passport, called Sonny Corinthos to drop intel on Sidwell, smashed Rocco’s phone on the pavement, and then DROVE OVER IT WITH HER TIRE.

Then she got in the car. With Rocco. And they DROVE AWAY.

A 40-something WSB asset and a teenage boy with a felony shooting in his back pocket are now on the lam. A chosen-family fugitive duo. I would die for this dynamic. I am rotating it in my brain. More of this, less of every other Wyndemere scene combined.

The Dragging: Nick Newman

Nick Newman popped a pill on Sharon’s patio. He popped another at the ranch. He popped one before meeting Phyllis. He popped one before meeting Christine. He’s sweating through every blazer. He’s making deals behind Victor’s back. He’s stalling Victoria with “I’VE GOT THIS” like a man whose entire forehead is glistening.

On Thursday his mom Nikki finally found out he’s addicted to fentanyl and Jack had to be the one to tell her because Victor wouldn’t. The dragging started in California and is currently being routed through Wisconsin. Sweetie. Touch grass. Touch a tissue. Touch ANYTHING but that pill bottle.

Plot Hole of the Week: Drunk Nathan and the Platinum Deb Cards

Nathan was apparently sober and trustworthy enough to be entrusted with the Platinum Deb sash, the tiara, AND the sealed envelope containing the winner’s name. But he was ALSO drunk enough at the cotillion to SWITCH THE CARDS so Francesca would win over Samantha Dupree.

The cotillion committee handed the most ceremonial document of the night to a man who was so unsteady that June found him drinking from a flask in the back hallway. Pick a lane, Fairmont Crest. Either he’s a trustworthy card-keeper or he’s a flask boy. He cannot be both at the official deb ball of the year.

Receipt of the Week: Brooke Logan’s Friday-to-Monday Pivot

Friday May 15: Brooke Logan sobbed an actual waterfall when Ridge Forrester said she couldn’t be co-CEO. Like, a faucet. We saw it. We dragged her for it.

Monday May 18: Brooke woke up, agreed with Ridge that the title wasn’t necessary, said “these tears are not for me” (girl, they LITERALLY WERE), and pivoted to asking him to revive Hope For The Future instead. Then she put on a nighty and seduced him in lingerie.

The pivot was filmed. The receipts are collected. The waterworks were a NEGOTIATION TACTIC. Brooke Logan is at the chess board while everyone else is playing checkers. We see you, Logan. We are TAKING NOTES.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Derek’s Death

Derek followed Grayson to the plasma ring warehouse meeting because he was worried about him. He wasn’t a cop. He wasn’t an agent. He was a GOOD MAN who LOVED his ex and her boyfriend enough to show up.

He took a bullet trying to stop a bad guy. He whispered Ashley‘s name as they wheeled him into surgery. He died on the table while Shanice delivered the news in slow motion, with no dialogue, while Ashley collapsed into Grayson’s arms.

It was DEVASTATING. It was BEAUTIFUL. It was directed within an inch of its life. And it was the death of a good man we’d grown to love. We HAD a nice doctor. We HAD a beautiful slow-burn redemption arc. They killed him in episode #262 of Beyond the Gates. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Massive Fail: Anna Devane’s Off-Screen Prison Break

Anna Devane, legendary super spy and reigning queen of unhinged exits, BROKE OUT of a French psychiatric facility this week. She hijacked a vehicle. She drove for the SWISS BORDER. She almost made it. She got recaptured before crossing and is now being transferred to a maximum-security facility for “difficult patients.”

ICONIC. CINEMATIC. BAFTA-WORTHY. EMMY-WORTHY. THE STUFF OF SOAP LEGEND.

And we DID NOT SEE ONE SECOND OF IT. Not one frame. Not a shot of her in the driver’s seat. Not a French road sign. Not a tense border crossing. Nothing. We got Valentin Cassadine running his hand through his hair and announcing it in a Wyndemere drawing room like he was reading the weather.

You’re telling me Anna Devane went FULL Jason Bourne off-screen and the budget went to a fifth scene of Brooke Logan in lingerie?? Make it MAKE SENSE, GH. We have been ROBBED. Massive fail.

Which soap had you screaming at the TV this week and which character do you want to drag into court yourself? Sound off below because we need to hear the verdicts!

WATCH THIS: Which slap hit you the hardest?

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